Just Give Me the Numbers! (And Maybe a Very Large Bottle of Wine)

My Day Job: More Than Just Numbers

A tidy, efficient digital workspace, typical of a financial manager. Credit: Google AI

My day job? It's... an experience. Let me elaborate. A tale of spreadsheets, financial forecasts, and… the surprisingly intense daily dramas of a grown adult who happens to be the person in charge.

Now, I'm the Financial Manager here. Numbers are my jam. Budget reconciliations? Bring 'em on. Cash flow statements? My happy place. Explaining the nuances of accrual accounting? Thrilling Tuesday night for me. What I didn’t sign up for was being the unofficial, unpaid, and frankly, slightly bewildered, unofficial babysitter for the main guy.

The Escalation of Trivialities

It started subtly. A quick “Hey, just wanted to run this email draft by you, see if the tone is okay?” Sure, no problem. Professional courtesy, right? Then it escalated. Suddenly, I’m being consulted on the optimal placement of his desk succulent (“Does it get enough light here? Should I rotate it clockwise or counter-clockwise? What are the fiscal implications of a droopy leaf?”). My friends, I deal with millions, not millimeters of wilting flora.

The highlight reel of “My Day in the Land of Unrelated Executive Questions That Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With Finance” includes:

• “Does this tie make me look approachable?” (Sir, we’re having a budget meeting, not speed dating.)
• “I can’t decide between the turkey and the tuna for lunch. What are your thoughts on protein efficiency in relation to afternoon productivity?” (My thought is: pick a sandwich and let me get back to reconciling the Q3 reports!)
• “This pen isn’t writing smoothly. Do you think it’s a sign of deeper organizational issues?” (It’s a cheap pen!)
• And the pièce de résistance: “My stapler is jammed. Should I use more force, or is there a risk of structural damage? Should I just get a new stapler, or try to fix this jammed one?” (At this point, I considered expensing a therapy session for myself.)

It’s like living in a constant state of “What fresh hell is he going to need my opinion on next?” I half expect him to ask me to mediate a dispute between his stapler and his hole punch. Or perhaps consult on the optimal strategy for unwrapping a granola bar.

The Quest for Subtle Hints

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a perfectly capable boss in the actual areas of his job. But the constant need for validation and input on the most trivial matters is… exhausting. I find myself nodding and smiling, while internally screaming the gospel of “GOOGLE IT!”

I’ve started developing a complex system of non-verbal cues. A slow blink means “That is not my department.” A slight head tilt accompanied by a pointed look at my overflowing inbox translates to “Please, I have actual work to do.” So far, it’s been completely lost on him.

Maybe I should start billing him for “Emotional Labor Related to Non-Financial Inquiries.” Or perhaps just leave a copy of “Parenting for Dummies” on his desk. You know, subtle hints.

The Inevitable Outcome

The truth is, underneath the exasperation, there’s a tiny sliver of… something. Pity? Amusement? The unsettling feeling that I’m witnessing a grown man slowly morph into a toddler in a power suit? Whatever it is, it keeps me (mostly) polite.

So, if you happen to be in the vicinity of our office and hear a muffled sob followed by the frantic rustling of papers, don’t worry. It’s probably just me, trying to explain the concept of “supply and demand” to my boss, who is currently distraught because the vending machine is out of his favorite brand of gummy bears.

Wish me luck. I have a feeling I’ll need it. And maybe a glass and very large bottle of wine after 5 pm.

Related Posts

Want more tales of workplace chaos, quirky distractions, or personal adventures? Check out these posts for more humor and insights into balancing work and whimsy:

• So You Think Your Budget’s Tight? Let Me Tell You a Story... (and Maybe Start a GoFundMe) - Feeling lost in the labyrinth of county finance? You're not alone! Join me for a refreshingly relatable and humorous dive into the often-confusing world of local government budgets.
• The Data-Driven Dog Parent: Taming the Furricane with Spreadsheets - Explore how financial management skills can surprisingly be applied to managing a furry family member with data.

Return to Home